Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
