i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
