could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
