toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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