I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
