Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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