I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So. Much. Porn.
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