I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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