: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
