OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
