So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
