He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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