I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Green mimosas i think yes
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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