I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
