walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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