a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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