bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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