4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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