So drunk its hurt
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
