You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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