Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
