he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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