I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
