what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
