i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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