Sry I called you an 8
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Plan B is the new Plan A
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
