did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
