i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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