Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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