I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
