Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
