one word: firstdatebathroomanal
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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