The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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