You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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