I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she peed on how many people?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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