The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
