Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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