He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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