There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
