I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
