CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
