end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
