So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
