just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
