it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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