everyone is single if you try hard enough
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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