hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
