I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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