just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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