When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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