Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
