A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i now understand why vodka
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
