I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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