His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
