My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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