im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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