I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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