i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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