i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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