I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
