Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
