he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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