This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i drank out of a bidet.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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