Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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