i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
