My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
