I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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